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Thursday, March 29, 2012

The L Word

No, not lesbians. Love. Amor. The big "L"!

I read an article in the New York Times (my favorite newspaper) about love and it really stuck with me. The article said that when we are born, we imprint on the brain of our mother. There is a synchrony that still doesn't explain that incredible bond between mother and baby. When we grow up, we are subconsciously looking for that same "oneness", as the article calls it.

New relationships stimulate our brains and introduce us to new experiences, new feelings (va-va-voom), and a new support system that is very similar to the kind of support we had as infants. In that, we absorb our partner and become "we" instead of just "me".

I can't help but think about how amazing and how crushing love can be. Before Boyfriend, I had an awful experience with a guy that, clearly, was not right for me. It basically came down to one question, as all relationships really do... am I more important than feeling insecure/the distance/money/another girl? Because with the right person, the answer is always yes. With Boyfriend, he is most definitely more important than any other reason and he's never hesitated to be with me based on a stupid reason that is never a REAL reason for real love.

That relationship taught me a lot about real love, because it most definitely was not real love. At best, it was chemistry and companionship. But it wasn't a forever type of thing. I used to believe that love is giving all you have to give at any given moment (so your love at age five could be as real as love at age 20 or 40), but now I'm of the school of thought that you can't ever really be in love with someone that you aren't with. Love is something that grows from mutual care. It can't just spring up based on strong feelings on one side.

In that, I know for sure that I have that "oneness" with Boyfriend. Not only is he super attractive and strong and handsome, he is sweet, thoughtful, and supportive. And I don't know for sure, but I'm almost positive that we love each other the same amount, which is incredibly rare. We both feel lucky to have the other and because of that, we are very careful with the most important things to us: our relationship. There's nothing I hate more than seeing people use a relationship as a bargaining chip (as in, "if you don't ___, we're breaking up"). I would never put something so precious to me out there like that.

What do you think? Have you found the supportive, oneness of love?

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